i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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