i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize