she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
