glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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