i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
