I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
