It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
