as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
