I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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