I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
