Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
