I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Mom said you looked used
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
