Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
