I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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