Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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