He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
