put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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