what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
pray to the hookup gods
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
