i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
