Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize