she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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