Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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