Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We're too hungover to prance.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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