gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
