I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
