The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
