don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
