I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
