I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
