I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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