he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
