people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my liver is dry heaving
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
