I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
