For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize