we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Did I show you my penis last night?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
