I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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