My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
