I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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