Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
