Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
