trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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