mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
