Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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