They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
