I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
