We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize