If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
