so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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