Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
