so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
