the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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