sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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