Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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