If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Randomize
