bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
