I cockslap morals
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
