I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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