Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
