He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
