I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
