so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize