in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize