Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
