there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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