1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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