who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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