It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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