I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
