Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
