It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Damn victory sex feels great
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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