and you said cock pushups were impossible
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
