he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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