Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
