i just had sex bonerless
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
