I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
