hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
