The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
