For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
