Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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