Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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