i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
