wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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