I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
