Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
