dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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