I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
