is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
