i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
