Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
