my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
